The More You Normalize Abuse, the More Normal It Gets
- April
- May 21
- 2 min read
We live in a world where resilience is celebrated—and rightly so. Overcoming adversity shows strength and growth. But there’s a dangerous line we often cross: the normalization of struggle and abuse. When we constantly say, “That’s just how it is,” or “Everyone goes through this,” we stop questioning what we should be challenging. We begin to accept pain as the default, hardship as necessary, and even abuse as love. And the more we do it, the more normalized it becomes.
I was in a very abusive relationship, physically, sexually and mentally for six years. In the end, my abuser pulled a 44 Magnum up to his throat and took his life three feet from me. I was 26 years old.
When Struggle Becomes a Badge of Honor
Many of us were taught to tough things out. Keep going. Don’t complain.Don’t say a word. While perseverance is valuable, glorifying abuse is not and can trap us in a cycle where rest, joy, and ease feel out of reach, undeserved. That is the abuser talking and a signal that something needs to change. Given my experience, it is you that needs to change so you pass down wisdom instead of pain.
Abuse Disguised as Normal
Abuse doesn’t always look like violence. Sometimes, it’s silent. Dismissal. Control. Manipulation. And if we were raised in an environment where yelling, isolation, or neglect was modeled, we might not even recognize it when it happens to us.
We start saying things like, “He’s just passionate,” or “She’s going through something.” We excuse behavior that chips away at our self-worth, because we’ve seen it before—and no one called it abuse. That’s the danger of normalization: it doesn’t ask questions. It just accepts.
Breaking the Cycle
We can't heal what we refuse to name. Normalizing abuse keeps it in the shadows. It silences victims, fuels shame, and sustains systems of harm. But when we begin to speak up—when we name what’s happening, set boundaries, and rewrite our narratives—we begin to shift the culture.
The shift starts small. Questioning what is not right. Calling out a joke that isn’t funny and asks “Is this what I want to pass down? Is this what I want to model?
You Deserve Better Than Just Getting By
You deserve relationships built on respect. A life that promotes what you want to pass down.
Let’s stop normalizing pain. Let’s normalize healing, boundaries, rest, joy and real love. Because the more we normalize those things, the more possible they become—for everyone.
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