When Expectations Trap Us: Choosing Peace

Have you ever caught yourself spiraling into a cycle of negative thoughts, only to realize that it all began with an expectation? Expectations—of people, outcomes, even ourselves—often sneak in quietly and settle in our minds without permission. And when life doesn’t meet those silent assumptions, disappointment, frustration, and even bitterness can quickly follow.

It’s unfortunate how easily we fall into this trap. We think, “It should’ve gone this way,” or “You should’ve done that.” But should is a heavy word. It ties our peace to the behavior of others and the uncontrollable circumstances of life.

When I find myself stuck in this cycle, I try to pause and simply observe what I’m thinking. I ask myself, “Why am I feeling this way? What expectation did I have that wasn’t met?” That simple self-awareness can create space for clarity, even grace.

The grace to know that none of this is a surprise to God. Scripture teaches us this for a reason. “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2). “Do not worry about tomorrow” (Matthew 6:34). These aren’t just suggestions—they’re soul-saving instructions. They remind us that peace isn't found in control, perfection, or comparison. It’s found in presence, trust, and surrender.

One of the things I value most in this life is peace. Not the fleeting kind that depends on everything going “right,” but the deep, still peace that comes from being alone with God. For me, that peace shows up in moments of solitude—out on the water, sailing under an open sky, surrounded by God’s breathtaking creation or even walking along a new neighbor nurturing the needs of our sweet sailmates, Cookie and Brownie. It’s there, in the quiet moments of solitude and surrender, that my mind steps off the hamster wheel.

It’s also there that I can release myself from one of the most subtle but destructive deadly sins: comparison.

Comparison whispers, “You’re not enough,” or “You should be further along.” It tricks us into striving instead of resting. But in those sacred, still moments with God, I remember: I am not behind. I am not too late. I am right where I need to be, fully known, and deeply loved.

So today, let’s give ourselves permission to release expectations and instead anchor our minds in truth. Let’s choose to observe rather than react, to trust rather than strive. Let’s pursue the kind of peace that isn’t dependent on how others behave or how the future unfolds.

Because God’s grace is here. Now. And that is more than enough. Happy Monday!